The Cost of Being a Caregiver

2025 was one of the hardest years that I've had in a long time but like any difficult season, there are always lessons and/or blessings for us but it's up to us to reflect on them in order to shift, grow and evolve.

It started in February 2025 when I received a phone call from our family doctor about my dad's bloodwork.

"It's a 50/50 chance that it's cancer."

A normal PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) ranges between 0-4 and dad's was 16.4. I had to walk next door and share the news. I told my husband Rich first and asked him if he would walk over with me for support. I just knew dad would be crushed after everything he'd already been through.

In 2008 he suffered greatly. His right ankle was severely swollen and what he thought would be a routine check, led to his diagnosis of stage 2 esophageal cancer. Before they could address the cancer, they had to deal with the many PE (Pulmonary Embolisms) and DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) {Blood Clots}.

They put a VenaCava Heart Filter in to filter all of the many blood clots and put him on blood thinners. By the time they had the blood clot situation under control, dad's cancer had spread from stage 2 to stage 4. The doctors informed the family that his chance of survival was about 5%, but God had other plans.

It took many surgeries, a lot of chemo and radiation and 2 years of living off of feeding tubes and he beat every odd. That's when my husband and I invited dad to come live with us. He had exhausted every last penny paying for medical treatment, he had lost his business, his house and was now permanently disabled. If that's not the time for family support then I don't know what is. 2026 will be 11 years that we've been caring for and supporting dad but none have been as difficult as 2025.

It's also been 11 years since I stepped into digital marketing. Like you, I craved flexibility and the freedom of having more options and the ability to choose in my own life.

My journey started out as a promoter for an incredible wellness product that my family & I still use to this day. The products help us sleep when we need support, deliver nutrients through their protein shakes, and keep me energized with the wearable DFT technology. I've not found a company that works as well as this one. If you are dragging through your day mentally or physically, I highly recommended the wearable DFT.

Anyway, back to 2025.

I sat dad down and calmly explained that his PSA is 16.4 and with the normal range being 0-4 we needed to make an appointment with Vanderbilt and go through some further testing. I watched him completely break and just cry, probably reliving 2008 and all the emotions that came with it. 2008 is the year that my 22 year old sister took her life and my dad's mom passed away. Dad was unable to attend either funeral because he was hospitalized for both.

It was so hard to watch and I was broken for him. A slight, very small piece of me was a little mad in this moment because Dad was offered a cancer policy through AFLAC a year or 2 ago and yet he declined it because he "didn't think he'd get cancer again" and here we were staring down the barrel of possibility and my gut knew that as the current provider for my family, my life wouldn't look the same.

My husband sacrificed everything for 23 years as a firefighter/medic. I worked extremely hard and very intentionally to retire him and we were able to do that in 2020. Sure, he receives a pension but it's not nearly enough to live on and fulfill all of our goals.

We got the first appointment that we could and that started the absolute chaos that would be the remainder of our entire year. With each appointment came further testing, more appointments, more specialists, more travel and more emotions.

Vanderbilt is 2.5 hours away from our home but they are the best so I was willing to travel so dad could have the best care, I didn't realize what a toll it would take on my mental and physical health...and my wallet.

My current business structure was mainly coaching and consulting so with every unexpected appointment I would have to reschedule a client (or 2) and I hate rescheduling but every time we drive into Vanderbilt we were out of the house for 7-8 hours. We're looking at travel time (5 hours round trip), traffic, appointment time and a quick bite to eat.

The sales woman who worked for me was eager to sell, her finances depended on selling for me but the truth was, I just couldn't take on more clients. My energy was low both from being emotionally worn out and having to wake up extremely early at times to travel into Vanderbilt. I attempted to put a new coach in place, someone that I personally trained and coached, but my audience didn't respond. It was me they wanted. I was also lacking time. My dad won't drive himself on the highway and even though Rich offered to drive, dad wanted me with him so Rich stayed behind, taking care of the animals, our home, and our daughter.

Adrianna, being 10, is very active in school, in sports and in our community so Rich had his work cut out for him too. We own and run an AirBNB and he has 18 acres of property to mange so we thought it was better for him to do the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, maintenance, Adrianna and let me deal with dad's needs.

Within a few weeks, I had already driven 1800 miles just for medical appointments. My friend Kyle told me that would make a great title for the book I can write when we're through this season.

With Rich's set pension, my limited ability to see clients and the out-of-pocket costs (gas, food, hotels for overnight stays for dad's surgery) I found myself getting angry, resentful and seriously stressed out. If dad had just taken that Aflac cancer policy, it would have paid for all of this but instead I felt financially drained and dad is paying for so many medical things. $1375 out of pocket just for the PetScan, not to mention the MRI, biopsy, X-rays, surgery...we were all bleeding.

As a coach, I knew that I could do exactly what I teach my clients to do but I had nothing to give. My joy was gone as was my energy, creativeness and hustle. As it was, I found myself crying and dragging my body into the Zoom meetings that I had with existing clients in between endless medical appointments. Something had to change but I didn't know how to redirect the ship.

I watched as my hormones shifted, causing me to hold onto weight, increase inflammation, lose hair and seriously pull away from things I once loved, like church and volunteering in my community. There was nothing left of me to give and I found my emotions all over the place.

Sometimes I was grateful that I had the freedom and flexibility to be here for dad. What would have happened if Rich or I (or both) had a job? Other times I was angry for feeling like I was carrying every burden myself, then I'd feel guilty for being mad. Any time I'd make a social media post about my true feelings, the comments would say "be grateful" and I wanted to scream. "Are you in my shoes? Are you sacrificing? Are you losing yourself?" but it would do no good so I just heart the comment and move on, stuffing more feelings down.

I'm not telling you any of this just to vent. It might not be cancer or caregiving but I know there are tough times, difficult seasons and many different emotions that you experience at times so, how do we turn it around and maximize profits and family time?

Here are my reflections for myself and for you.

No matter what, we can never afford to put ourself on the back burner. If you're depleted, you won't be your best. Stay nourished, hydrated and rested. Find those few moments in between the chaos to do something for you, whether it's grounding outside or reading a few pages of a book.

If you are a Christian, this app has helped me in so many ways. There were times that I would soak in a hot bath with my favorite magnesium salts, and just listen to a training from Graham Cooke reminding me that I can choose rest and peace in Christ. Without much effort, my anxiety was diminished, my breathing slowed and I was at peace, even if it was just during a bath. Sometimes, life is moment by moment.

Building systems in whatever business model you're in, is important...and so is FUN. I wasn't having fun in my business so I recently decided to start a fun IG account that's full of truth, sarcasm and sass for women over 40! I'd love to see you over there.

Blessings

I learned even more about what I want my business to look like and what I don't. Being the thing that my family depends on for our income...yeah, that doesn't work for me anymore.

Getting to be by my dad's side during a rollercoaster of a year is something that I'll never regret, even though our business did $200,000 less this year.

Christ became more evident. He worked through me to have dad raise his hand and get born again, giving his life to Christ.

There's just so much I could say. Life is all about highs and lows but how we manage our journey, well...that's for us to keep growing through.

2026

Expect more of me and not some ChatGPT copy.

Expect the authentic me. Sarcastic, sassy and truth-bomb dropping mess.

The business systems will be available to every member of the blog who's investing the whopping $7.95/month in our marketing plan. (Click subscribe on our main page & choose the monthly marketing membership)

Expect less content because for me, it's quality > quantity

Expect community! We can get more done together. 1:1 is too slow. Starting in my Pin to Profit Network on Skool.

My prayer for you is that you put Christ first because with Him and in Him you can face everything. After Christ comes you. Cheers to a beautiful year of intention, poise and purpose.

🩷 Kim

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